A Restless Evil

“[The tongue] is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.” (James 3:8b-10)

I have a problem with my tongue. And so do you. One moment I’m having an innocent conversation with a friend, and the next moment that innocent conversation has morphed into guilty gossip about another man who is not even present to defend himself. One moment I’m happily chatting with my wife about a worship service we recently attended, and the next moment that same tongue is eviscerating the hapless preacher whose message failed to meet my expectations. Wise dads recognize that ‘these things ought not to be so’ and diligently work to make their tongues a source of blessing rather than cursing.

How can a wise dad overcome the proclivity of his tongue to curse instead of bless? It is a complicated problem twisted up in the tangled roots of our hearts and there is not one single answer. However, one practice that can help us use our tongues to bless others more consistently, is to use our tongues to pray for others more frequently. When we are regularly praying for God’s richest blessings upon the people we are most likely to curse, perhaps even unintentionally, we are far more likely to speak to them or about them in ways that tend toward blessing rather than cursing.

In his classic book, “A Serious Call to a Devout and Holy Life,” William Law writes, “When you despise and ridicule someone, it is with no other purpose except to make him seem ridiculous and contemptible in the eyes of others, in order to prevent their esteem of him. How, therefore, can it be possible for you to sincerely ask God to bless that person with the honor of His love and favor whom you want people to treat as worthy of their contempt?” 

When we talk badly about someone to others, whether it be a politician you despise, a co-worker, employer, fellow dad, or frenemy, the underlying motivation is to cause others to despise them. Clearly, if we’re praying for such a person to be blessed by God “with the honor of His love and favor” it makes no sense for us to be inspiring others to view them with utter contempt. Or to put it more simply still, praying for God’s blessing on someone and then speaking of them in such a way as to cause others to despise him or her, are contradictory actions. When you find yourself regularly tempted (or let’s be honest, regularly sinning) in this area of speaking badly about others, begin to make those would-be victims of your tongue the recipients of your sincerest intercessory prayers. Perhaps not the first time, or even the fifth time, but eventually your prayers for others will begin to shape your view of them and, in time, will change your desires for them as well.

Are you struggling to find the motivation to use your tongue for the good of those you despise rather than for their harm? Consider for a moment that Jesus somehow finds it in his heart to intercede for you. Let the truth of his gracious mercy toward one so undeserving as you melt your hard heart toward others who are perhaps less undeserving than you in the sight of God. Then, when tempted, pause and pray a moment for God’s richest blessings in his or her life and don’t let the mouth with which you bless God become a means of cursing those who are made in his image. Your children will see, and they will follow your example…one way or another.

*For more on the theme of tongue control, you can watch my five-part sermon series here.